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John Kearns: The Varnishing Days 2024 John Kearns: The Varnishing Days 2024

Thu 13 June

John Kearns: The Varnishing Days 2024

The Varnishing Days is the heart-stopping, glasses-dropping, hard-rocking, wig-shaking, levothyroxine-taking, knee-knocking, boot-licking, justifying, teeth rattling, digressing new show from stand up comedian to the stars John Kearns.

Go silent as I walk on! Acknowledge when something funny happens! Leave discussing dinner plans!

Others will be implicated.

Points will be circled and missed.

Hell, it’s a man trying his best!

When I visit your town dogs will start barking, as will clergy.

our microwave will go haywire.

The lights in your vestibule will flicker and the Bank of England will nervously look at interest rates.

On the day I write this, the pound has hit an all time low against the dollar.

Mark my words. This show will break that record again and again and again.



Brian Logan, The Guardian


Chortle, Steve Bennett

Jay Richardson, The List